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Stanford-trained psychologist: This is the No. 1 way to sharpen your kid’s brain and help them succeed. By Mary C. Murphy, Mar 12 2024.

Mary C. MURPHY

Mary C. Murphy, PhD, is Professor of Psychological and Brain Sciences at Indiana University, the founding director of the Summer Institute on Diversity at the Center for Advanced Study in the Behavioral Sciences at Stanford University, and founder and CEO of the Equity Accelerator, a research and consulting organization. She is also the author of ”Cultures of Growth: How the New Science of Mindset Can Transform Individuals, Teams, and Organizations.”

Parents aren’t always sure how to most effectively support their kids’ development and help them sharpen their brains. The good news is that a lot of good advice can be summed up in a single goal: Help them adopt a growth mindset as often as possible.

When we’re in our growth mindset, we believe that our capacity to learn is unlimited. In our fixed mindset, by contrast, we believe that we were either born with certain talents and strengths or we weren’t, and there’s nothing we can do about it.

Because we all have both mindsets and move between them based on the situation, the No. 1 way to help kids succeed is to encourage them to access their growth mindset more of the time. Research shows it can dramatically improve their attitude, engagement, and performance.

Here are five ways you can help your child develop a growth mindset:

1. Share stories of perseverance

Sometimes, kids are embarrassed by their failures or struggles because they believe everything comes easily to adults. Since storytelling is one of the most powerful ways to impart lessons, you can use stories to show them that’s not the case and teach them about growth mindset.

One of my friends has an 8-year-old with a bit of a perfectionist streak. If she doesn’t get new material at school right away, she becomes discouraged. So my friend, who’s a writer, shared with her daughter that she has to go through multiple drafts for every project, constantly revising and improving her work. Her daughter was amazed and relieved to discover that her own mother has to work hard, too!

These types of stories help normalize and show kids that almost anything worth doing usually involves a bit of struggle, especially at the beginning.

2. Talk about your favorite mistakes

When we inhabit our growth mindset, we’re not afraid of making mistakes because we don’t believe they reflect our inherent ability. Instead, we see missteps as learning opportunities.

I was delighted to witness a tool one teacher used to encourage growth mindsets in her classroom. On a large wall display titled, “My Favorite Mistakes,” each student shared a mistake they’d made, along with how it spurred their learning.

You can do a similar exercise at the dinner table. Ask everyone to share a recent misstep, along with how it made them feel and what they’re learning from it. These can be light, fun conversations where we can laugh about our mistakes (“I definitely shouldn’t have worn a white shirt to work because I ended up spilling lunch all over it!”), or a chance to recount more vulnerable moments (“I hurt someone’s feelings today.”).

Through these conversations, we can accept our mistakes and embrace what they have to teach us.

3. Remind your kids how far they’ve come

Kids often hyper-focus on the failure or struggle they’re experiencing in the present moment, losing sight of the success they’ve had in the past.

If your child is feeling discouraged, remind them of the path they’ve taken and the obstacles they’ve overcome to get where they are now. For example: “Remember when you were having a hard time learning to read? Now you’re reading entire chapter books on your own!”

You can pull out some old assignments, photos, or videos to illustrate how things that were once challenging for them are now a piece of cake.

Many kids — from toddlers to teens — love being reminded of what they were like when they were younger and how they’ve developed over time. This conversation also demonstrates your appreciation of them as individuals with their own growth trajectories.

4. Ask your kids where they need support

The simple act of checking in with your child helps you uncover if there’s an area where they need extra support or assistance, whether it’s practical help with math homework or a pep talk. For instance, ask them something like, “So, what challenges are you working with right now?”

Notice that this language normalizes the idea that at any given time, each of us is struggling with something. You could even lead by sharing something you’re wrestling with, then ask them what they’re facing.

Helping kids tap into their growth mindset isn’t just about encouraging them to hang in there or try harder. It’s about ensuring that they have the resources and support they need to be successful.

5. Make it fun

Shaping your family’s mindset is a group effort, but it doesn’t have to feel serious or heavy. For instance, one activity that can be both fun and effective is to engage the whole family in coming up with a slogan or mantra, such as “We love learning!” or “Go for growth!”

When we see learning and growing as enjoyable, we’re more likely to want to do the work it takes to get there.

参考译文：斯坦福大学心理学家推荐的增强孩子大脑，帮他们成功的5个宝典

本文作者玛丽·C·墨菲博士是印第安纳大学心理和脑科学教授，斯坦福大学萨默斯研究所行为科学高级研究中心多样性研究所创始主任以及研究与咨询机构“公平加速器”创始人与首席执行官。她也是《成长的文化：心态的新科学如何改变个人、团队和组织》一书的作者。

父母并不总是能确定如何最有效地支持孩子发展，并帮助他们改善头脑。好消息是，很多好的建议都可以总结为一个目标：尽可能培养孩子使用成长心态。

当我们处于成长思维心态时，我们相信我们的学习能力是无限的。相比之下，在一成不变的心态下，我们就会相信我们要么天生就有一定的才能和优势，要么就没有，我们无法改变它。

因为我们都有两种心态，并根据情况在它们之间换位，所以最好的帮助孩子成功的方法是鼓励他们更多地使用他们的成长心态。研究表明，这可以显著改善他们的态度、参与心和表现。

以下五种方法可以有效帮助孩子发展成长的心态：

一、分享一些关于毅力的故事

有时候，孩子们会因他们的失败或困扰而感到窘迫，因为他们相信对成年人来说什么事都很容易。由于讲故事是传授经验的最有效方式之一，你可以用故事来向他们展示事实并非如此，并向他们传授关于成长的心态。

我的一个朋友的一个8岁孩子有点完美主义倾向。如果她没有马上在学校得到新的材料，她就会感到气馁。所以我的这位作家朋友对她的女儿分享说，她的每个作品都要数易其稿，不断地修改和改进。她的女儿对母亲也必须努力才能完成工作感到惊讶，并因而得到宽慰！

这类故事可以帮助孩子回归平常心，并向他们表明几乎任何值得做的事情，特别是在刚开始时通常都需要努力才行。

二、分享你最可笑的错误

当我们生活在我们的成长心态中时，我们并不害怕犯错误，因为我们不相信它们反映了我们固有的能力。相反，我们将失误视为学习的机会。

我很高兴地看到一位教师在课堂上用来鼓励成长心态的一种工具。在一个名为“我最可笑的错误”的大墙上，每个学生都分享了他们犯过的错误，以及它是如何鞭策他们吸取教训的。

你也可以在餐桌上做一个类似的练习。让大家分享最近的错误，以及他们的感受和从中学到了什么。这可以是一个轻松和有趣的对话，比如我们可以嘲笑我们所犯的错误：“我绝对不应该穿白衬衫去上班，因为我把午餐都撒满了它！”或者回忆一个更有趣而尴尬的瞬间，比如“我今天伤害了别人的感情”等。

通过这些对话，我们可以承认我们的错误，并让孩子学习他们给我们的教训。

三、提醒孩子已经取得的进步

孩子们经常过于关注他们现在所经历的失败或困难，而忽视他们过去取得的成功。

如果你的孩子感到沮丧，提醒他们回忆他们走过的道路，他们克服的障碍和截止目前取得的成绩。比如说：“还记得你在学习阅读时遇到的困难吗？现在你已经能自己阅读整章书啦！"

你可以拿出一些他们的旧作业、照片或视频来说明那些曾经对他们来说充满挑战但现在却是小菜一碟的事情。

许多孩子--从蹒跚学步的孩子到青少年--都喜欢被提醒他们小时候的样子，以及随着时间推移他们是如何成长的。这种对话也能显示你对他们与众不同的成长轨迹的赞赏。

四、询问孩子他们哪儿需要支持

和孩子一起查看可以帮助你发现他们是否需要额外支持或帮助的地方，无论是实际上帮他们做数学作业，还者是给他们鼓劲的谈话。比如，问他们一些问题：“那么，你现在正面对什么挑战呢？”

请注意，这种问题可在任何时候问，因为我们每个人都可能在为某些事困扰。你甚至可以通过与他们分享一些正在困扰你的事情，然后问他们面临什么挑战。

帮助孩子们利用他们的成长心态，不仅仅是鼓励他们坚持下去或更努力，还事关确保他们拥有成功所需的资源和支持。

五、创造乐趣

塑造你的家庭心态是一种集体努力，但它不一定非要令人感到严肃或沉闷。比如，一个既有趣又有效的活动是让全家想出一个励志口号或口头禅，诸如“我们爱学习！”或“成长吧！”等。

当我们感到学习和成长是快乐的时候，我们可能更想做能让我们达到目的的事情。

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